Hoping For Forgiveness

I realize since my divorce that I've been stuck living dual lives. My old life anchors me down and cripples me. I cannot continue to live both lives, especially since they contrast each other so much. The past couple of days have been excruciating. I feel like I've been chasing my own tail, running around in circles trying to come up with solutions, only to find myself right back where I started.

I cannot continue to live both lives. One must be let go. For once, I have to do something for myself not only because it feels good but because it's the only way to stop the negative cycle from returning. I am no longer willing to compromise what I want in my future by protect my past. This won't be an easy journey but I have to aim to achieve the future I envision rather than dwelling on the present.

Today, I have to do something painful to move on. I have to do something which brings me no pride nor happiness. I have to cause pain to others in order to move on. This goes completely against my every belief but right now, there are no other options. When no other paths are available, sometimes we are left having to take the darkest path.

In a mere few hours, I will be breaking a promise to 3 friends that have been with me throughout their entire lives. My pets have never lived with any pain, fear, or confusion. They have always had a life of freedom in a safe and loving home. Today, I condemn them to cages. Today, I cannot explain to them why I have to do what I have to do. I will not be there to comfort them or take away their fears. I think about them sitting in cages all alone, staring out and wondering what they did to deserve it. They are innocent and I have no way to tell them that.

They are casualties. The entire life that I have to leave behind is a casualty. Some people will think this decision is selfish or wrong. Unfortunately, I do not have the luxury of time, support, or money. Sometimes we have to do despicable things to ensure that we don't cause more damage in the future. I will never see the sun again.