Recovering From The Flood

The less you need and the less you want, the easier it is to be happy. Some people have approached me recently to ask how I've been doing and when they hear my response, the look on their faces is almost tragic. People do not realize how much they depend and rely on people and things to give them comfort or give them a sense of happiness. It goes without saying that we should not depend on materialistic things to keep ourselves happy. To a less obvious degree, many people don't realize or agree that the only being that one should ever depend on is themselves.

Last week was quite possibly one of the most difficult weeks of my life. It felt like a constant barrage of negativity and complication. It seemed like no matter how much I tried to solve a problem, I would just be challenged again with another one.

At one point I became so overwhelmed that I had to let myself completely succumb to the negativity. It blanketed me and obfuscated the brightness of my soul. In many ways I felt like it extinguished the part of me that I was beginning to like. It extinguished my desire to smile and the willingness to be good.

I let the darkness consume me and let myself cope in a darker way. I let my heart fill up with anger and sadness. I let myself unravel and become nothing but a lifeless shell of misery. I let myself feed off of pain and I reverted back to my old way of thinking. I felt completely hopeless and alone. My heart overflowed with tears and sadness.

I was fearful for a while that I would never be able to recover and never be able to feel like myself again. I was scared that I would get stuck so far into negativity that I would never smile again. I was scared that I would be trapped as a product of my environment and that I would have to react in ways that I found to be despicable.


I eventually came to the conclusion that everyone lives their own life and makes their own decisions. I know that people will judge some of the decisions I make/have made but they do not have to lie in the bed I make. I have lived my entire life trying to achieve a life that society has made me believe that I need. I have compromised myself to try to achieve something that I never really felt was right. Today, I am wise enough to realize that I no longer have to compromise myself and that I am strong enough to go after the life I truly want.

There are certain things that cannot be bought - love, time, forgiveness. There are also largely different variations of all of these things. Sometimes you can find yourself spinning your tires and getting frustrated because you go on a journey looking for the wrong variation. At one of the lowest points in my life, I remember making a wish for someone who would come into my life and rescue me. I realize now that this person was around me all along and what really changed was my own ability to see them. I realize that what I sought was for a person who would inspire me enough to rescue myself.


Now, I embark upon a journey to discover and rebuild the life that I really want. As I rebuild myself, I keep two things in mind:

1. Never depend on anyone but yourself. We cannot expect to wake up tomorrow with the exact same life as today. The only thing we can truly ever understand is our own strengths and weaknesses.   
2. Never rely on anyone or anything for happiness. When one requires nothing, there is no longer risk associated with it being taken away.