Hindsight is 20/20

About a million things have changed in my life over the past 7 months. When you're in the moment and trying to make sense of everything, it can sometimes be hard to slow down and begin to understand the momentum of "the bigger picture". It was not until just a few weeks ago that I have been able to step back from my former life and actually take a deep breath. I often feel like I just outran an avalanche. Changes would not stop occurring and calamity just seemed to cascade into every aspect of my life.

There were times that I felt a bit overwhelmed and still do feel that way. So many changes occurred in such a small period of time, that I am only now having time to absorb my reality and to allow my mind to react. Everything occurred at such a fast pace that I feel as though I had to ignore some of my emotions just so that I could keep thriving. I am only now able to sit down and feel the weight of everything and it blows my mind!

I sit back and think of all of the mistakes I had to make and all of the losses that had to be accepted in order to get to where I am today. Most of the losses bear very little weight, however, there are still a few losses that feel a bit tragic in my heart. Regardless of such feelings, given the ability to turn back time and change the course of events, I would not change a thing. For as much tragedy that was experienced, I have experienced ten times more joy as well. There are certain people in my life today that would not be here with me if I had done things differently and I would gladly suffer through everything over and over again to get this result.

Whenever I feel like throwing in the towel, I always remember that without struggle or challenge, strength has no need to exist. I can look back on the past and see a much weaker version of myself. I like to think that the majority of my decisions over the past few months have been made by a person who is good and kindhearted; this is something that I was not.  I was a fearful snake that would often attack and slither away. Today, I feel like I've become a powerful and fearless tiger. I can choose to be ferocious or I can be gentle. For the first time in my life, I am actually beginning to like the person I want to be.

I realize how much there is to discover in life. I realize that I want to be unchained. Real love has no weight, it uplifts.